As parents, how can we talk to each other about delaying smartphones and signing the pledge?
We are parents and we get it, talking to other parents about parenting choices, technology and delaying can be awkward and tricky. We’re learning about this ourselves. And we know everyone brings their own perspectives and experiences. These chats might not always feel easy but they are important and within them lies the power to shift a cultural norm around when children get smartphones - as the power is in the hands of parents.
These overarching principles will help create a positive conversation
Most importantly: talk, don’t tell. Ask questions and listen to how people are feeling. Don’t approach this as an argument to be won or lost. It doesn't need to be a fraught debate and understanding others perspectives can be helpful.
Know – and say – that everyone wants to do the best for their children, however we handle this particular challenge.
Ditch parental judgment and be clear who’s ultimately responsible: tech companies and governments. But parents can make the changes - if they work together.
Parents have been put in an impossible position. Either we allow our children access to something addictive and harmful, or we or risk alienating them among their peers. Which is the WHY of Wait Mate - to make this less hard for parents to say no and hold a boundary.
Talk about the growing evidence, but don’t beat people over the head with facts and stats. The simple reality is that ten years ago, we didn’t know the impact that smartphones had on kids. Now, we do.
Here are some helpful talking points
• Smartphones decrease attention-span, damage mental health and open up a world of things our kids shouldn’t have to deal with.
• We all know smartphones are addictive. For kids smartphones can get in the way of all the good stuff they need for a nourishing childhood: playing outside, hanging out with friends, reading, talking and laughing and even boredom!
• Of course technology is part of the world now, and children need to learn how to use it. But young children aren’t equipped to have a healthy relationship with something addictive. It’s hard enough for us adults!
• There are alternatives. Many parents want to be able to contact their children for safety but this needn’t be a smartphone. We have a blog listing out alternatives.
• Tobacco companies used to market their products to kids as healthy - we think we'll look back on smartphones the same way.
• Films are regulated, computer games are regulated, bars and clubs have bouncers checking ID - now smartphones need to be dealt with.
In terms of pushback that you might receive, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt or iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us by Jean Twenge are worth recommending (or a podcast that features Jonathan Haidt for a quicker fix). We also have more info in our why wait page.
Sadly, the statistics are alarming and it is incumbent on us as parents to have these conversations and try shift the norm for the sake of our kids.
Thanks to Smartphone Free Childhood from the UK for inspiring this post and collaborating to share resources for the benefit of children and parents around the world.