Your decision to delay giving your child a smartphone until at least high school can spark a range of emotions, from confusion to frustration, and can sometimes lead to challenging conversations. Here’s some suggestions from fellow parents about how to approach this discussion thoughtfully, and some simple reasons you can use with your child to explain your decision.
How to Talk About the Decision with Your Child
- Open Communication Approach the topic with openness and honesty. Let your child know that their safety, well-being, and development are the driving factors behind the decision. Explain the reasons thoughtfully (see below!) and reassure them that their feelings are valid and considered in the decision-making process. To the extent it can be a two way conversation, where kids can express their concerns and you can discuss it with them, that can be beneficial.
- Emphasise the Benefits Highlight the benefits of this delay. Discuss how it provides more time for them to engage in hobbies, build strong friendships, and focus on their studies. These are all explained further below. Emphasise that they will eventually have the opportunity to use a smartphone and that this delay is not a punishment but a thoughtful decision aimed at ensuring their readiness.
- Discuss Alternatives You may want to offer alternative ways for your child to stay connected with friends and family. Encourage the use of retro phones, sometimes called dumb phones, for calls and texts, or you could consider allowing them to use family devices such as an iPad under supervision. This can help them feel connected without the need for a personal smartphone. Some families are also bringing back landline telephones! There are many options, some of which can be powered by your home internet.
- Set Future Goals Discuss the plan for when and how a smartphone might be introduced. Setting a clear timeline and discussing the milestones they need to achieve to earn this responsibility can give your child something to look forward to and work towards.
- Educate About Technology Use this time to educate your child about technology and its impact. Teach them about online safety, privacy, and the importance of digital balance. This education will help them make informed decisions when they do eventually get their own smartphone.
- Involve Them in the Decision If appropriate, involve your child in the process of setting rules and guidelines for smartphone use. This can help them feel a sense of control and responsibility, and make the eventual transition smoother. You might also want to think about putting together a smartphone plan with your kids. There is a great one from Screen Sanity here!
Reasons for Delaying Smartphone Use
There are so many reasons for delaying the smartphone. Here are 8 reasons that you could choose to use in discussions with your child:
- Fostering Creativity and Imagination. Without a smartphone, children are more likely to engage in imaginative play. They create their own games, invent stories, and use their surroundings in inventive ways. This type of play is crucial for developing creativity and problem-solving skills. Whether it’s building a fort out of blankets or creating art from household items, these activities help children think outside the box and use their imagination.
- Encouraging Physical Activity. Smartphones can be a sedentary distraction, but a play-based childhood encourages physical activity. Children are more likely to engage in outdoor play, sports, and active games when they aren’t absorbed by screens. Activities like running, climbing, and playing team sports help develop motor skills, coordination, and overall health.
- Encouraging Real-Life Social Skills. Smartphones can contribute to decreased face-to-face interaction. Delaying smartphone use helps children focus on building strong in-person relationships and developing social skills. These real-world interactions are vital for developing social skills, such as teamwork, communication, and conflict resolution. Group games and collaborative projects teach children how to negotiate, share, and empathise with others.
- Developing Problem-Solving Abilities. Play-based learning involves exploring and experimenting, which fosters problem-solving skills. Without the immediate answers and solutions provided by smartphones, children learn to figure things out on their own, which enhances their critical thinking abilities and resilience.
- Enhancing Emotional Intelligence. Engaging in play and real-world interactions helps children understand and manage their emotions. They learn to express their feelings, deal with frustrations, and build self-confidence through their experiences in play, rather than through virtual interactions. This emotional intelligence is crucial for their overall well-being and social development.
- Reducing Distractions. Parents who choose to wait until high school often do so to ensure their child remains focused on their academic and social development without the distractions that smartphones can bring. In the earlier years of school, children are learning to navigate social interactions, develop time-management skills, and focus on their studies. Smartphones, with their constant notifications and social media apps, can detract from these important developmental tasks.
- Mitigating Risks of Cyberbullying and Online Predators. The internet can be a risky place for young users. Delaying smartphone use can help mitigate exposure to cyberbullying and online predators. By postponing access to social media and online messaging, parents can provide a safer environment for their child’s formative years. This time allows children to learn about online safety in a controlled manner before they are exposed to the broader, more complex digital world.
- Promoting Healthy Habits and Boundaries. Introducing a smartphone at a younger age can lead to unhealthy habits, such as excessive screen time and disrupted sleep patterns. By waiting until high school, parents can better ensure their child has developed a sense of balance and self-regulation when it comes to technology use. It also provides an opportunity to discuss and establish healthy digital habits before the device becomes a significant part of their daily life.
Conclusion
Delaying smartphone use until (at least) high school is a decision rooted in the desire to foster a child’s holistic development and ensure they are prepared for the responsibilities that come with technology. By extending a play-based childhood, parents not only protect their child from potential digital pitfalls but also enhance their creativity, physical activity, and social skills. By approaching the conversation with empathy and clarity, parents can help their children understand the reasoning behind this choice and support them in developing essential life skills. The key is to maintain open lines of communication and provide a supportive environment where children feel heard and valued. Also, the conversation does not need to happen all at once. It can and perhaps should be an ongoing conversation, particularly after you do give them a smartphone!
Gave an older child a smartphone younger? Read our FAQs for suggestions on how to explain the different parenting decision (with the information we now have available) for other children.